I love bicycling and I love my friends. You with think combining the two would make for some happy, awesome times. Maybe for other people, this is what happens. I don’t know if it is me or if it is my friends, but I kind of hate riding with them. Somebody always ends up mad, or too tired, or something. It is no fun. So I avoid riding with people whenever possible.

I mean, there’s a major flaw with a bunch of people getting on bikes together. It is awkward riding next to somebody, for one. Sometimes the path is too narrow and you can’t ride next to someone even if you wanted to. Then there is the speed issue: I like to ride fast. I mean, my nickname is Velocity for a reason. Not all of my friends are capable of, or interested in, going as fast as I do. That’s fine. However, I also don’t want to get to our destination fifteen minutes before you do and then be forced to entertain myself until you get there. Other people are competitive, which again is fine with me in any other situation, but then it’s like we’re racing. Somebody loses and then is grumpy (not me, I am gracious as all get out when I win), and we’re not enjoying time together. So that’s bad. I can try to slow down but that can kind of ruin the fun for me as well. And if it’s not fun, I don’t want to do it. Let’s just drive there or take a walk or something.

Another thing that comes up a lot is that I like listening to music when I ride. Other people might think that’s “rude” because they want to “talk to me.”  I don’t want to have a conversation while we’re riding. First, we often will have to travel single file, and I can’t hear you all that great when you’re yelling at my back. And how am I supposed to answer you? Turn around? Second, I like to ride faster, which makes conversation a little more challenging than I would like – I am used to being silent except to yell, “On your left!” as I pass people going slower than me. If I want to chat with you, I’m not going to do it while we’re riding. Don’t misunderstand me, I love talking to my friends. However, I would much rather sit down with them at a coffee shop or something like civilized people and have a real conversation.

I know other people who have no problems going on long rides even with significant others or kids, and they somehow do everything like sane people. I have no idea how that’s possible, and more power to those people. I don’t know if it is me (it probably is) or my friends (not ruling it out) that makes it hard. For now, I would rather keep biking and hanging out with friends as two separate things, which suits me and my life just fine.

OK, before I say anything else: riding any kind of bike is good exercise. Seriously. It’s good for you. You should just get on a bike and go. I mean it. Like, right now. Just stop reading and go. It’s better for you than running and it is more fun, too.

Alright. I got that out of the way. Now I will tell you my real opinion: I don’t like stationary bikes. Not using the word “hate” here is me showing restraint, just for the record. You need to know how much I can’t stand them. Why put in all that effort and not feel a fresh breeze? I absolutely do not get it. What is the appeal there? I don’t care how fancy and high tech the bike is or where you can virtually pretend you are. You look like a hamster on a wheel! Where are you going? Nowhere, man! Absolutely nowhere! Maybe you’re going nowhere really fast, but you are still in the same place, aren’t you? I guess unless the bike breaks or you fall off. And let’s face it, if you fall off a bike that is not moving, honestly you have no business being on an actual bike around other people and nature and stuff anyway.

I guess it is fine if you are in physical rehab for an injury. Actually, now that I am thinking about it, it is a really great idea for knee surgery or whatever. Oh, maybe if you have bad allergies or have that thing where you’re afraid of being outside. Then I totally apologize and biking in a spin class or just riding one that doesn’t go anywhere in your basement is totally fine. Good for you, as a matter of fact. I guess if it has been raining for days and all the trails are flooded or your real bike is busted, then it’s way better than just sitting on the couch.

OK, now about your spin class. Um, I love biking and that stuff is hard. People who go to spin class regularly sort of crush it and I admire that. But if you’re going to hurt your butt on those uncomfortable bike seat, why not actually get somewhere? Why do you want to be in a room with some instructor yelling at you over and over and making you sweat like a crazy person? Wouldn’t you rather be riding away from a person like that? Seriously?!? You can get just as great of a figure by actually riding a real bike where you actually go someplace and see things other than the butt of the person in front of you in class.

Now, I’m not knocking you if stationary bikes or spin classes are your jam. Do whatever makes you feel good. I just want you to know that doing the same physical activity where you are actually outside is way better. Just saying’.